literature

Snapshots- Chapter 1

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Literature Text

  Night had fallen when a silver car rampaged on the dimly lit road. A few lampposts exhaled a meagre light. The weak light that emanated from the headlights made only a slight difference to illuminate the dark path. Chel and Miro felt uncomfortable as their father sped down the black road. He hunched forward, his chin already resting on the stirring wheel, and squinted to see the way. Their mother chatted with someone on the phone. She giggled and talked too fast. Her back leaned against the door and she hugged her knees. She acted so cool about her husband driving too fast. The siblings merely sat down as they were pulled down by gravity and their seatbelts.

  "M-m-mum... D-dad..." Miro called to his parents. But they failed to hear him even if he tried shouting at the top of his voice. His mother continued to giggle and his father's car roared louder. His eight-year-old voice was defeated.

  The road turned bumpy but father didn't slow down. They all bounced in their seats. Mother tried to sit down properly when a cat suddenly jumped in dad's view. It boldly stood on the car and stared at dad with its sad blue eyes. Dad shouted a curse and drove the car swiftly to the left and then to the right. He kept swerving and shouted curses at the cat that wouldn't care. No matter how fast dad spun the car around, the cat stood and stared as if nothing was happening. Mum fell from her position and stumbled in front of dad who just in time stirred the wheel to the right. His strong hands met her face and they pushed her to the side door. Her head smashed against the window. It shattered and shards of glass clung to her shiny yellow hair. Blood dripped from her nose from the unintentional punch.

  They were about to crash through a green house but dad abruptly stepped on the brakes. They were all frightened but dad was able to stop the car before it even ran over the bushes in the garden. Finally, the cat jumped off the car, leaving them with their hearts thudding in shock.

  "Is everybody—what the heck! Linda!" Dad exclaimed as he saw his wife. Her face was decorated with the crimson liquid and small pieces of glass gleamed on her. Her small mouth opened to say something but it quickly gaped wide in fear. He looked at the direction of her fearful eyes. He just sat, paralysed by fear, as a pair of bright headlights greeted the family menacingly.

  The darkness materialised into something big. An outline formed a big monster. Colours began to filter in their sight. Soon, a furious truck was advancing to them. The headlights were glowing eyes of a monster. The truck crashed with the miniscule car. It sent the car to fly and roll across the black sky. They all screamed as they soared and felt pain. Their heads bumped into the roof and on the side windows. The siblings were embraced by their seatbelts but the strap choked them. Their unbuckled parents stumbled, rolled, and bled. Blood stained Linda and Antonio's horrified faces while the tears stained Chel and Miro's.

  Their death ride ended when the car plummeted on a bald tree. Sharp branches that extended wide welcomed them to their death. Those grey branches broke the windshield and pierced the Ramirez couple. The family was bathed in blood. A branch extended only a breadth away from Chel's forehead. She closed her eyes and wept.

  "Psst… Don't cry," It was their mother's voice.

  "We're all hurt!" Miro exclaimed. His shrilly voice trembled with fear.

  "We're all going to die." Dad suddenly said. Branches poked his eyeballs, his chest, shoulders, knees and forehead but his mouth was free of them. "Chel, Miro, if any of you goes back home alive, take care of the camera. And yourselves. Promise us that, alright? That's a darn great camera I bought."

  "We... love... you." Their mother slowly added. A branched pierced right through her cheek. Hot tears streamed down the faces of the children. "I don't want... be orphan." Miro sobbed. "Don't want sister to be mummy. I want real mum and dad."

  "I don't want to be a mother, too." Chel whispered. "But I promise to take care of Miro." She added almost inaudibly. She took hold of the branch that pointed at her like a finger and broke it. She threw the pointy piece out in the broken window and peered down. Below them was Swerte's Lake. If there was something special about the village besides the peculiar weather, it was Swerte's Lake.

  Antonio and Linda's life faded. Their breaths became shallow. They stiffly sat and endured the last stinging pain before exhaling their last breath.

  When everything was calm and quiet, the siblings sobbed and wept. They exploded in sorrow. Grief and loss swelled in their hearts. Today had a brilliant start but a heartbreaking ending. They continued to cry until they heard the sound of something snapping. The car gradually descended.

  Their hands flailed to their buckles and tried to unlock it. In the middle of a plight, came another unlucky situation: they couldn't unbuckle it. The car slowly slid down the tree's deathly embrace. They would fall, crash and sink in the bottom of the lake.

  The car slowly, almost tauntingly, pushed away from the tree's embrace. Then in a quick motion, it fell and demolished the thin layer of ice. The cold water seeped in through the broken window. The coldness started to bite. Panic filled their hearts as the water pooled up to their waists. They gasped for air before the lake gobbled them. Their cold fingers suddenly unfasten the belt. Chel opened the door and pushed it against the water. She swam out and held the door until the small figure of her brother stiffly evacuated the car. Miro quickly swam up to the surface. Chel released the door and took one last glance at Linda and Antonio who were maimed horribly. Their blood mingled with the water. She looked away and tried to push herself up but she was unexpectedly pulled down and it choked her. Some air escaped her mouth. She saw that the car had her scarf crushed in the door. She tried tugging but the air was escaping her. She removed her scarf from her neck and hastily swam up. The oxygen in her lungs became transient but she swiftly surfaced above the cold water. She gasped, filling her lungs with the cold air. She crawled out of the lake and dropped to the soft snow. Her eyes dropped and the last thing she ever saw was the black sky and Miro coming to her.
Chapter 1 only

**re-written**

This is NOT the entire Chapter 1 though:XD:
I hope you enjoy reading it~
© 2011 - 2024 PeculiarChemicalista
Comments13
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Purple-Rainbow's avatar
Oh~ it's a whole lot better :meow: Why, yes, I kept this tab open for nearly half the day because I was busy doing something

I noticed that the drive scene was much longer than the dying one. Well, not longer per se, more of more imagery-ish. Was that intended? That sort of made me feel the driving scene. I think that's the problem. Your work lacks a bit of imagery. That's probably what I meant by not feeling it.

I'm not really sure how to explain that... I guess it was too narrative and not descriptive enough. I guess it's like what ~Create-a-story said in Chapter 6. I guess that was pretty much it.